Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
