You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
