The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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