is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Randomize
