nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
