I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
