I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
