just tell him i said nine months
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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