He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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