Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
You were trust falling into bushes
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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