I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
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