new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
my liver is dry heaving
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
