i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
