Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
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