sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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