1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
