kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
