I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Randomize
