there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
