Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
sex in a hospital.. check
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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