Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize