Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
