I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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