shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Randomize
