worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
