Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
