You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
