take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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