She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
