VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
