I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
