This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Randomize
