i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
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