god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Banned from zoo.
Again?
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Randomize
