why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Randomize
