Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
