well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
