well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
