I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Randomize
