you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Randomize
