Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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