dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
