Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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