Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
