I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
