woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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