my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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