his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Randomize