We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
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