chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I'm passing your future prison.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
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