Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
