we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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