That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
