went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
