But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Randomize
