i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Randomize