Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
