I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I know her cup size but not her name....
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