Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
