dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
