Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
