Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
