terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
