So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Randomize
