shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
