If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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